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Today

June 21, 2016 by 0 Comments

Today I am somebody, I never could have known I could be!

The transformation I have made to myself from the inside out is so big and complete I can’t recognize the person from my past. It is like two different people, two separate lives. I think back to decisions I made in my previous life that frankly, were trash! I made choices while I was drunk that were selfish, foolish, reckless and below me. I am thankful everyday that I was able to learn and grow before something terrible happened to teach me the lesson.

In my previous life, lets call it the bubble I coasted along, skimming across the top of life. Life in the bubble was void of difficult decisions, I didn’t have to face ugly little truths. I could make everything disappear, fade away into the back ground. I used wine as an eraser, rub stuff out, like a soft lens on life. What I didn’t know, and couldn’t have ever known, was how much the blurry bubble life limited me, dulled all my days, effected my outlook and restricted me within its shallow confined limits.

When I drank I was volatile, you know what…. I was an Ass! I made Ass decisions! Life changing choices, like they meant nothing! I look back at that person and think what a dick!

One choice, take the soft lens off for 3 months! Alcohol free for like 1% of my life. Why the hell does that seem so hard! Why did I struggle so much to do that? I will tell you why…. I was an alcoholic! I was addicted to it. I had to burst the bubble, come out and put my sunglasses on because life was about to get up and in my face!

I have gone back to full time study. Bachelor of Exercise Sport Science. When did I become so disciplined? I have been back studying for 1.5 years now and are coming up to my fourth Marathon only this time lets try for 50km Ultra Marathon. There will be no dulling of that pain, or the sense of accomplishment either. It is time to dig into big training block! Discipline, determination and commitment that will get me to the start line, and then 5 hours later and probably a few swear words, I will be the holder of a large accomplishment, new realisation about myself. Something that I can show my baby girls that their mummy did, and they can do too!

That’s it for today. Out.

Do Something, Anything!

Full Steam Ahead

May 18, 2015 by 0 Comments

Life has become really busy! My days are so full now. I have accomplished by 21.5km run and had a blast running the roller coaster run, my fitness level and running is improving all the time. I decided to go back to university as a mature aged student to study Exercise Sport Science, which was a big step. I am so passionate about what I am learning, it has been the best move I have made in a long time. It’s really funny though because I am soooo much older than most of my classmates. I just figured well, the time is going to pass anyway I might as well spend the three years getting something I can use to build a better future. Just in case I didn’t have enough on, I started a business www.movingrepublic.com.au which is basically organised group fitness events for children. Life is now full to the brim with opportunity and really it is all because of one step in a different direction. Little lesson along the way, when you find something that lights you up just keep moving in that direction. See where it can take you, you never know what may come of it. You have to make space for new things!

Running High - Uncategorized

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April 12, 2015 by 0 Comments

I have made some decisions. I am more motivated to keep moving in this direction on this path I am currently on. I am going to buy a cork board and put pictures and notes of motivation and just goals on it. There will be a couple of numbers on this board, 21.5 – 42 – 50 these numbers will be distances that I am committed to running. The word Trail running with a picture of a person running through a beautiful forest will be on my board and a slightly scary picture of a theme park, with a big open mouth and the words – Roller Coaster Run! These are experiences that I am going to ensure I have in the future. Well, there is some work to be done here. Slowly I will build my body and health to be able to run further and further. I have targets, Melbourne Marathon – 21.5 km, Roller Coaster – 21.5 km of hills and trails, Gold Coast Marathon – 42 km. Just for good measure I will complete a 65 km Cadel Evans Scenic Ocean bike ride. I have started losing weight!! Bonus! that’s motivating…. I am also noticing that certain skin and scalp issues that I was having has ceased. That’s funny, I wonder if my body was in a highly acidic state with all the drinking. Running program looks like this –
3 km moving to 5 km will stick to this as a min distance and when comfortable with this distance, increase to
6 km. Next 8 km and then when I am ready 10 km. Let’s stick with 10 km and get to running it twice a week wanting to eventually achieve every second day. As soon as 10 km feels bearable I will look at moving my speed up. I keep my running to the Gym on a treadmill and Lillydale Lake because of its soft gravel surface. The trick is to run consistently every second day with your longest run once a week. Once you get yourself to 10 km distance, hover there for a while. Building strength and aerobic capacity. At 10 km mark you can be vulnerable to injury and discomforts like shin splint issues etc. Let your body adjust and adapt. Enjoy the accomplishment and allow your body some time. Watch the weight melt away. Enjoy that wonderful euphoric feeling that you get from your running because that feeling lasts so much longer than the comfort you will get from drinking and it does not require topping up.

Weird Science Project

Door’s are opening everywhere…….

April 3, 2015 by 0 Comments

It is difficult at first heading out sober! you feel like you are a science project. People are sincerely mystified with why you are not drinking. I understand why. Alcohol is absolutely imbedded in everything we do. It is unheard of celebrating an event or milestone without a drink. When you are ready to tackle this, be prepared to answer questions, lots of them. You work out pretty quickly that this is all you will talk about at social events for a while. Its a good thing, most people are pretty supportive and inquisitive because it’s not something they have considered doing, but you do get the odd person that is happy to make you the butt of their joke, a great eye opener as to the fabric of that person.

Ita Buttrose made a great observation one morning in a conversation about allowing your teenager to drink at home at the age of seventeen to celebrate an event. Most of the crew were for it, suggesting that if they were going to drink anyway, they would prefer that their children drank around them, in moderation. Sounds like a reasonable view. Ida’s position was “It also needs to be ok for them not to have to have a drink at the age of seventeen to celebrate”. It just shows how intrinsically embedded drinking is. I like to be able to consider both points of view which is why I appreciate so much that there are people willing to offer a differing position.

I have started moving in a totally different direction, I am meeting new people. These people are different, they are part of a new community that I previously had nothing in common with. I can’t believe how nice and supportive some of these people are. They are part of a running community and some of them are incredible athletes. It is inspiring what people can do and ask from their bodies. I feel compelled to move in this direction, this is how I want to live my life. I want to be around this group of people in this community. What I love about these people is that it doesn’t matter how fast you are or how far you run, if you want to be involved, put on your shoe’s, get out of bed at 6.30am and go and meet them and just have a crack! They are supportive like-minded people, its refreshing.

I belong here, in this moment moving in this direction! For the first time I feel like I am in the moment, not just skimming over the top of my life. Door’s are opening everywhere, but Guess what??

I had to bloody open them!!

Do Something, Anything!

Small Pleasures

March 23, 2015 by 0 Comments

The best way to change a habit is to replace it with a new habit! That is my starting point. I have spent $200.00 on new shoes and I am going to try to run. I might as well start with a weigh in. BOOM 78kg!! I feel heavy and awkward. What I  know about running is that the first thing I need to do is train my body to breathe through my discomfort. I started slow on a soft surface.

Find a park with a gravel track or the treadmill. Do not focus on speed just start running and try to run for as long as you can, as soon as you feel you can’t run anymore, walk – catch your breathe and then try to run again. Your only focus at this point is to breathe through it and get time on your legs. I made a commitment to myself to do this consistently, every day or second day if possible.

Running is the way I will spend my time. It will be my focus, everyday. I need something to keep me on track with not drinking. It is helpful, my days change. I am up early in the morning and night-time at the moment is a difficult time of day. I feel bored, restless and cranky, incredibly cranky!! I need something to replace the sitting around with a glass of wine on the go. I make a trip to my favourite tea shop, “Tea Too”. I bought some beautiful tea’s, Licorice, Creme Brulee and Peppermint. I got myself a beautiful pot and cup, this would be my new night ceremony. One insight I have is that I have not allowed myself any space to enjoy simple pleasures. A nice cup of tea, to read a good book, a bath. Small pleasures are opening up new possibilities. Socializing is off my agenda for a while. Restraint is a muscle, it needs time and constant exercise to get stronger.

9.00pm – BED. Might as well.